if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
