Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Randomize
