Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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