The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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