My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
