it wasn't lemon gatorade
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My feet surprised me
Randomize
