As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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