i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize