dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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