I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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