life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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