i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
