I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
