i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
