This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
