You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
