I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
