Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
