I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
