he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
