Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
