Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
