i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
