if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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