Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
