she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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