Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
