never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I cut my penus on the lid.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
