I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
