Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My dick has a subreddit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
