Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
