hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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