Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
