rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
