margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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