32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
