What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to have your abortion
your room smells of hookers.
And success
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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