I accidentally had phone sex last night
...so i touched it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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