I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize