So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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