the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
