I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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