Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
