You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
