Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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