Can Purell be used as lube?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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