3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
