U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
