Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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