remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
