All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
