im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
a search helicopter?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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