You made me cry and you don't even care
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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