Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
