made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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