Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
