His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
