whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
