ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
