and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize