I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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