He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We left the knife in your bed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
