Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
